Wednesday, April 10, 2013

these dreams of mine

I applied to nursing school. Back in December, I packed up all my hopes and dreams and work and mailed them off in an envelope. And we waited. We prayed and we waited.

We pleaded and told God it was what we wanted. This school, this timing was what we wanted.

And I got a letter of denial. This isn't the school, this isn't the time.

I've been quiet about it, even though I got the letter a few weeks ago now. It's been hard. But we're releasing our goals into His hands. Still pleading, still wanting. Planning to try again.  There's 5 more schools that are accepting applications this fall to begin in January of 2014. We're trying again. We're pushing into Him harder, knowing His dreams for us are bigger and shine brighter than the ones we have.

But day to day? It's raw. It hurts. My pride doesn't want to admit I didn't get in. My heart clings more to plans than to God on days. It's showing me how much I put faith in work and in myself. Thinking I can work my way to whereever I want to go.

The dreams are still there.  Though we may feel a bit lost, we're trusting that it's best we don't see the whole plan.

3 comments:

  1. We are in the same boat. I've been applying for PhD programs for the past year in Europe. Applications for these positions are like jobs so they come up whenever throughout the year. I made it to the short list of the short list and have been cut on numerous occassions now. Every. Single. Time. I recently (Friday) learned that once again I just barely didn't make it.. but this time it was for my dream opportunity. I took it hard. It gets really tough being continually beaten down and rejected. Knowing that you're good but just not good enough.. or that you're good but somebody else has a more interesting/well-suited idea than yours. I keep praying and trying to keep my hopes up. I just keep telling myself that obviously something more well-suited for me is out there and that I must just be patient. I had an interview for another of these PhD positions yesterday. I will find out next week if I got it or if I again just barely missed the opportunity. Odds are that we both eventually will land a spot.. and one that is better for us than we could have imagined. Right?!

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  2. I've been there before. I got denied from my first "dream" school I applied to for my masters. I felt embarrassed and then continued to freak out and worry about the other 5 applications I sent out. It made me realize I put too much of my identity into getting into grad school and my future career than in being defined by Jesus. I eventually got into a school, moved across the country for it, and it's been the best thing to ever happen to me. And just b/c I got in didn't mean everything worked out like I wanted. The changes and surprises didn't stop there. Looking back on the past couple of years is crazy, and I've given up trying to expect what my life will turn out like (not that you give up planning). But every step of the way I see how God has provided strength to keep going and how he's put me EXACTLY where I needed to be. Hope this encourages you!

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