It's been awhile...I know. The blog has yet again been neglected. Since we last saw each other, many days have gone by and now it's only 53!!, yes 53, days until the wedding. Sam and I could not be more excited, elated, or happy for this day to come.
While our engagement seems to be flying by, it is also d r a g g i n g....living in two different cities is something we have experienced while dating (I went home to Fort Worth every summer, and worked a summer at Pine Cove) being separated while engaged is a whole different story. When most people ask us what we are most excited about in our coming marriage, our honest answer--"living in the same town...and together!"
You see, the more we are apart, the more I realize that for me, Sam fills a place in my heart that no one else can; and the same is true for him of me. We have no doubts that we are meant to be together, but living apart during this preparation time for marraige has taught us that lesson to the very core of us. This time apart has pushed us to limits we did not know we had; and limits we had never had to push before. We have learned new things about each other; new ways to communicate; our ability to see, understand, and fulfil what the other person needs has been taken to a whole new level. So yes, while this time stinks, we have no doubts that it is better preparing us for marriage (even while we are apart)!
Thus, when Sam and I were in Fort Worth this past weekend for a shower we took the opportunity to go on a date. In all of the excitement around the wedding, new job, and new town a lot of the simple things of just being a couple get lost. It was something I looked forward to all week--just time for the two of us to sit down to dinner and talk. Not about the wedding, not about work, but just talk. It was the absolute highlight of the weekend.
Our shower that took place on Saturday was wonderful--but we are not getting "wedding-ed" we are getting MARRED. It's easy in this time to focus so completely on the wedding that you can forget the real reason for all of the stress, excitement, etc. It's about him; it's about us; it's about the ONE person we are becoming. The excitement and planning and wedding is wonderful; we absolutely can NOT wait. BUT, we are more excited about dinner together every night. Our biggest wish right now is for what most people consider the mundane, everything things: laundry, cooking, cleaning; living our life together.
It's these seemingly small things that really excite us. We were just talking the other day about how much easier it will be to decorate the house when we can do it together. The point I am finally getting around to here is this: it's not about the big stuff, it's not about the "timeline", it's not even about what I have or do or anything...it's about WHO I am with. And when that person is Sam, the rest does not matter.
You see, I am continually learning from Sam, and he from me. One of the many things I am learning from Sam (and actually from Christ though Sam) is contentment. I have always been "timeline" driven. I have had set in my mind a "timeline" for life. I knew when I wanted to graduate, get marrried, have kids, grandkids, etc. Absolutely everything was worked out in my mind, and it was going to be wonderful. But the issue here is that I was never able to be satisfied and content. Once one goal is reached, it is automatically onto the next. I had this preconcieved notion that this path was carved out for us and we were just to follow it; but I was leaving out God's timing in our lives. You see, we are not couple x, y or z. There is not a "formula" to life; and going through all of the "steps" I had laid out is not what is going to make me happy. Following the will of Christ will bring me joy--which is far beyond the temporary thrill and happiness I can find in my timeline.
So it's not about if we get married "early", "at the right time" or "late" on the timeline. It's not about if kids come "early", "right" or "late"; it's about WHO you are with. And for me; that's just being with Sam--no matter what the timeline.
So yes, while Houston stinks most of the time, I will find joy in all the small things we have. I will find joy in preparing our apartment, because THIS is our timeline--it's not a script; it's not about reaching this goal by this time; it's not about what others think we should be doing or how we should be doing it; it's following the will of God and finding joy in the things He gives us, big or small.