day 15: grace in the lacking

There's this disconnect for me when studying and writing about grace. Because the truth is, I'm not good at it. If I'm honest, I'm critical, judgmental, and very prideful. I love law. Grace is something others are good at. Me, I've got other gifts, but grace isn't one of them.

I'm not good at grace when it all isn't going as planned. I'm not good at it when things don't go my way. I'm not good at it before coffee, or after 10pm.

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Grace seems to be for those who have it all together. Those who are running their household like it's a walk in the park. It's something I'm striving for, but haven't quite reached.

But yet, by definition grace isn't something we can do. It's something we are given. Maybe if I'm so bad at it, have I fully received it in my life? Not just as the cross starting point, but in the mess. Do I let grace rule in the Thursday night cleaning of the kitchen? Or is grace for Sunday, and law for the rest of the week?

There are lots of areas in my heart and in my life where law rules. In those dry and dark places, it's time for grace to take over. To find grace in the lacking.