Five years ago, I was in a rush. New to college, I was ready for life to move fast.
I had my schedule, and I was ready to go. I knew dates I wanted to be married by, yet there wasn't a guy in sight. I knew when I wanted to make this amount of money, I knew where I wanted to live, I knew it all. It was pride at its worst, and I was full of it. Bursting, really. I wanted all the attention on what I had done. Where I had gotten myself.
And then grace stepped in. Seemingly slowly at first. My mind started to waver at the thought of medical school. I wasn't quite as sure as I had been for all those high school days. The plan began to crumble. And the plan began to change. God was changing the plan, and in the midst, He was changing me.
A move to a completely "off the map" city, new job, and another move later, He's still changing me. I recently got a promotion at work and Sam asked how I felt. "Thankful" was my response. And I think about that girl 5 years ago. She might have had a different answer. When I see that it's Him giving me grace, I'm thankful; when I think it's me, I'm prideful.
But in the transformation, it takes a bit of rubble. It's hard to build thankfulness in a heart where pride rules. There's been some hard days, and raw grace that has torn down the hard places in my heart. At times it has seemed like a war zone, flesh constantly fighting spirit. And yet, in the rubble is where I know He's working. Grace is transforming.
He's changing me, and He's not done yet. Thank God He's not done yet.