the state of my heart

if you missed our big news: we're moving.
You can catch yourself up over here.

we're 33 days away from the day Sam leaves Houston.
and in my heart, this very minute, the questions and doubt ring loud.

why now, Lord?
why leaving our friends?
why when we are comfortable?
why leave when I love my job?

because He is better.
this plan is better.

better.
better hurts.
better means leaving good--leaving great.
better means trusting that this isn't as good as it gets.

and at moments, just moments better doesn't feel right. better leaves me crying daily in my office.
better doesn't seem enough when it might mean living separately. better seems harsh when plans get postponed. it doesn't feel better to walk this and know He gave it. that He's allowing my heart the pain and sorrow of leaving.  when, at times, it feels a world sitting on my chest, keeping the air from filling my lungs.

but He's better.
and better is enough.

consumed

Life can get all consuming really fast.

It's January 1 and we take a step back, make great resolutions,

and are determined to be different.

and by Jan 11, those days seem ages ago

we get back in the swing of life.

of school, of work, of early mornings

and yet again we're caught up, consumed with life.

with just the daily grind.

I won't lie to you, I've had a hard time this January getting back "into it"

whatever "it" is. 

just life.

just work.

i feel my heart consumed with the daily struggle,

and yet my soul is reaching for more.

so, it may be a bit late, but I've got a word for 2012.

consumed

life is crazy.

and I'm guilty of shifting my focus when the crazy happens.

I start looking at the "things"

and stressing

worrying

trying to handle it.

so for this year, I want to keep my eyes on the Creator

and be all consumed with Him.



Bad Blogger

Friends.
I have lost my blogging groove.
Long gone are the days of scheduled posts,
reply's to comments, and link parites.
heck, I didn't even post yesterday

now I stare at the pile of ironing
the chapters of reading
and the lunches that need making

and wonder how it is all going to get done.
do you have weeks like this?
seasons of life like this?

where it seems that it's one thing after another?

 the hubs and I had a spur of the moment date because of a broken water main on Friday. blessing in disguise?

 wore flip flops to work on monday.  working in a lab means closed toed shoes all the time. heck, working anywhere means closed toed shoes.  thankfully, a friend lent me her shoes (3 sizes too big). 

 I made peach raw dessert. perfect "it's all going wrong" food.

and in the midst of this, I finally went where I should have gone all along.  
and James chapter 1" Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

I am looking at these things differently.  Not because of a positive outlook, or because I'm on optimist (because I am not always), but because they are to be counted as joy. 
I'm counting blessings.  Knowing that God is good, knowing that He gives good gifts.  
because He is in the midst of this.  

running, and long runs that cleanse

three day weekends

new recipes to try  

first day of school

time to get things dons  

Why I blog

Mr. Battershell thinks blogs can be a self-righteous way to attract attention and just talk about yourself.
and sometimes, he's right.

So why blog?

Why do I want people to read and comment?

Why do I do this thing if all it amounts to is a glorified way of saying "look at me?" 

Because I want people to know and see that it's Christ to be glorified.  Christ is glorified in my marriage, in my daily struggles, and in the small things that are really big things that make up my life. 

I blog because I want to remember.  Years down the road when our first year of marraige seems like a distant memory, I want to remember how Christ is faithful.  I am so quick to forget all the good the Lord has provided; I write all these things so I can look back and remember. 
I blog because God is faithful; and I need that reminder sometimes all the time.

This verse has been on my heart lately
Hebrews 10:23
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

My God is faithful, and I want my blog life to be a reflection of that.

So you will hear about the small things. The bookstore trips; the intern struggles; the day to day stuff.  Because I have a wise Mom who taught me that it's not the big things in life that are big.  It's the small stuff.  And I fear that I will forget these small things, so I blog them.  

My Mom taught me something that I think is so wise.  She said, "Don't save the fine china just for Christmas."  We used the china at my house growing up.  Often.  And I plan on using the china I have with Samuel.  My mom is a wise woman.  She understood the imporance in the mundane, everyday things.  And I want to be like her.  I want to remember.