season of lent

the days fly by.

morning coffee turns into nighttime face-washing

and I don't know where the hours go.

I'm here, there

but never really present.

always thinking, always doing.

Samuel asks

"Why can't you ever just be still?"

and in my head I list the reasons

there's work to be done

dishes to be washed

homework

meals to cook

a house to clean

No, husband.

I can't be still.

I won't be still.

Stillness echoes in my heart as laziness

but to others it screams unworthy.

I'm here, but I'm not present.

so this season of Lent I'm cutting away all those things that keep me busy

focusing on the few that remain on my place.

and giving thanks for grace along the way

falling in love again: Heart of Thankfulness Chapter 11

I can’t believe it’s the last chapter of 1,000 Gifts. I hope you have enjoyed going through the book with us. It’s been a blessing for me to share a book that has had such an impact on my life.

This last week, in the comments, just share some of your gifts you have listed through our series. 

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The gifts, the ones we’ve been counting for weeks now are a song

A love song, at no less.

In Eucharisteo I count, count, count, keeping the beat of His song, this love song He won’t stop singing.

A love song sung by a Savior over me.

Over me?

 

He is singing

“You are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you” Isaiah 43:4

 He is singing and giving.

Sunrises, lemons, soapy water. Giving cuddles, baked bread, and fresh blooming flowers.

And to think I could have missed it all. He’s singing and giving all for us.

We see into His heart and it is so personal, so intimate, and so utterly fulfilling.

Giving thanks and counting gifts awakens me to a God that is giving Himself with naked,

Unashamed passion. A God giving Himself to me for a surrender of love.

“In a thousand ways He woos.

In a thousand ways I fall in love

Isn’t falling in love always the fullest life?”

But falling in love is terrifying. And who wouldn’t be afraid at intimacy with a Holy God?

God, the trinity is relationship and He woos us to relationship.

There is nothing with God if there is no relationship.

So I allow my heart to fall in love.

why I love(d) the truck.

I drove my husband's 1995 Chevy 1500.
for a year and a month.
Samuel drives an hour(ish) to work each way, so he takes our little Civic.
it was old, and had character.
like a big ol' dent in the side character.

We kept it--no payments, just expensive gas.
think 10 mpg.
and I'll be honest. most days I hated it.
sometimes I complained about it.
and then I'd feel so convicted and guilty about my ungrateful heart.

But really, it was wonderful.
it ran, it rarely had issues, and it got me my 3.4 miles to work each day.

The time came for the truck to go.
And Tuesday evening we bought our new cute Versa.
but the Versa is really only here because of the truck.
The truck gave us a year to save, a year to prepare.

the versa is cute and small and wonderful
but the truck was such a picture of provision

that's my story, and it's true.

Heart of Thankfulness Chapter 9

This week might just be one of my favorite chapters of the book. I hope you'll join us again! We're digging deeper and becoming smaller and receiving the best gift of all: Joy.

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Have you ever spent much time with kids?

Little kids can be entertained for hours by the simplist things--boxes, spoons, paper.

anything new to them is filled with wonder.

it's a new experience to explore.  They giggle, laugh, and squeal.

pure joy. unhindered, unabashed.

joy. 

but adults, it takes a lot to see joy in an adult.

why? what happened?

what if the heights of our joy is measured by the depths of our gratitude?

how "small" can we make ourselves? small enough to see the joy in the seemingly small gift?

can we make ourselves as small as a child?  

"God created the world out of nothing,

and as long as we are nothing,

He can make something out of us"

Martin Luther

When I list my gifts, I can see the "bigness" of God, and the small-ness of me.

I can feel myself decreasing--sliding into the background, and the focus is

the love and passion from a God who gives good gifts.

Expectations kill relationships--human ones and the one with the Father too.

when we life life without the burden of expectation, what can top the surprising wonder of the moment? When I'm not expecting God to give--how much greater does the gift become?

Is it only when our lives are emptied that we're suprised by how truley full our lives were?

Instead of filling with expectations, the joy-filled expect nothing, and are filled. 

CS Lewis said he was "surprised by joy". Perhaps there is not way to discover joy but as surprise?

To receive the gifts--we have to live low. Life small.

and He has promised to fill those small empty moments with joy.

Receiving the gifts is not a strain, a burden. But a simple letting go and letting God fill.

The world doesn't live small. It lives large, extravagant.

and it hungers.

maybe this is why.

Joy comes from a place far deeper than feelings

Joy comes from the presence of God. 

Joy is God and God is Joy and joy doesn't negate other emotions

Joy transcends all other emotions.

Even when marriages are struggling,

when children stray,

when there is no money in the bank

and no dream in the heart. 

"I will take joy" Habakkuk 3:18

I hope this week you will become small and "take" joy with us.

Heart of Thankfulness Chapter 7:

Is anyone else in shock that we are in the last week of 2011 or is that just me?

As we approach the new year, I hope that you will make it a resolution of yours to allow God to change your heart into a heart of thankfulness.For both of us, this book is one that the Lord continues to use  on our hearts, and we would love to have you join us whenever!

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It's my own face that obscures the face of God. My own rage, anger, impatience. 

In the mess and loud and screams Jesus whispers "What do you want?"

and I want to see. To see him in the mess. To see Him in the sinful, self loving world I live in. 

But I don't see, because I believe in the power of the pit. I smother my own joy because I believe that anger achieves more than love. Do I really believe that? Can something so hideous reside in my heart?

I try to hide it, but truly I do believe that complaining, exasperation and resentment will get me farther than love. "When I choose, and it is a choice, to crush joy with bitterness, am I not purposefully choosing to take the way of the Prince of Darkness? Choosing the angry way of Lucifer because I think it is more effective--more expedient--than giving thanks."

and the grace of God whispers to me

Blasphemer.

Blasphemer.

We first must focus. "Jesus took the break, looking up to Heaven, and gave thanks."

Focus. Eyes to Heaven. 

It's a matter of focus. 

Looking for the ugly-beautiful, count it as grace, and transfigure the mess into joy with thanks and eucharisto. 

"Seeing is of course very much a matter of verbalization. Unless I call my attention to what passes before my eyes, I simply won't see it." Annie Dillard. 

and by thanks, we see. We see that He is here. Here in the ugly, in the mess. 

"We can see deep because we have seen His glory and received one gift after another.

But we only recognize the glory of God in this moment when we wake to the one grace after another"

I'm  blind when I want to be. 

The gift is always there. The reason for thanks is always there. 

Do I sometimes choose my anger over joy?

We can only choose one emotion at a time, which do we want to feel?

Heart of Thankfulness Week 6

Week 6 of “heart of thankfulness” is here!  If you’re reading along, or have read Ann Voscamp’s book, leave us some feedback.  We would love to know your thoughts on the chapter!

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“Every moment I live, I live bowed to something.  And if I don’t see God, I’ll be bowed down before something else.”

I want to see God.  Truly, I do.  But, sometimes I just see everything else.  The pain, the struggles, the frustrations, the ugly… I see the negative.  I lose sight of the positive.  I lose sight of the good… even if I only caught a glimpse for a second.

“Eucharisteo is everywhere and I want to see euchariesteo everywhere and I want to remember how badly I really want to see it.”

Sometimes my longing to see the good physically hurts.  I WANT to see it!  Why is choosing it so hard?

“but, faith is always a way of seeing, a seeking for God in everything.  And if the eyes gaze long enough to see God lifted in a thing, how can the lips not off eucharisteo?”

Faith.  Faith is the key.  Without faith in the One who is Truth, we miss everything.  We miss it because of fear, of distraction, of trying to figure this life thing out on our own.  But, when we have faith.  When we’ve placed every single thing we’ve got in his hands.  When we wake up in the morning and decide to let it all go that day, we get the chance to see.  We get the chance to see because the burden on our back that had us staring at the ground has been lifted (Matthew 11:30). 

“Living in his presence is fullness of joy- and seeing shows the way in.  The art of deep seeing makes gratitude possible.  And it is the art of gratitude that makes joy possible.  Isn’t joy the art of God.”

Wait… we can SEE the way into his presence?  Is it that easy?  Can we just choose to see his gifts, his glory and live in his presence?  Yes, we can.  And that’s where joy lives.  Joy lives with gratitude and gratitude with joy.  One doesn’t exist without the other. 

And neither exist without choosing to see.

Heart of Thankfulness Chapter 5

Hi friends.

how is your week? are you seeing the gifts easily this week, or are you having to search for them?

I hope that in both, the easy and the hard, you see the gifts.

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How do we lay our hands open for the hard eucharisto when we know it will hurt?

when we see the change, the times out of our comfort zone, the times of waiting

how do we look those things in the eye and open our hands and hearts to them?

the daily practice of the gifts, the discipline of gratitude is the way to daily practice the delight of God.

"Daily discipline is the door to full freedom, and the discipline to count to one thousand gave way to the freedom of wonder and I can't imagine not staying awake to God in the moment, the joy in the now. But awakening to joy awakens to pain."

"Joy and pain, they are but two arteries of one heart that pumps through all those who don't numb themselves to fully living" We can't have one without the other. We can't live a life fully aware of the blessings and gifts without feeling and seeing the pain. But should we go back to the numbness?

What will we lose?

Health?

Comfort?

Money?

Security?

and when will we lose it?

What in the world, in a world of certain loss, is grace?

What counts as a blessing, as a gift? And what are all the other moments?

Every dark woods has words, messages from Christ that we need a lens to see. That lens is eucharisto. With thankful hearts, we see not as the world sees, but as the Word sees. And the Word is not a book on a shelf, but a human man who knows pain. 

All that God makes is good. So what are the dark woods? Could it just be the perspective? The way our eyes see the bad?

But what perspective sees good in divorce, cancer, and dying children?  

He is involved. He does let it happen. And when our aching hearts cry and wail and cry that it's His fault and He did it, he holds. He soothes. His ways are not our ways. He gave the manna. He gives the life-sustaining mystery.

Sometimes it takes time to answer the hard eucharisto. 

It's just our eyes that are bad. 

When I realize that it is not God who is in my debt but I who am in His great debt, then doesn't it all become gift?

For He might not have.

Christ comes to earth, dies on a cross, and all humanity recieves the biggest blessing of all.

Life, through death,

Through pain.

Through hard eucharisto.

Through a Savior who recieved the hard with open hands.

"It is suffering that has the realist possibility to bear down and deliver grace. And the grace that chooses to bear the cross of suffering overcomes that suffering"

"This is the hard eucharisto: The hard discipline to lean into the ugly and whisper thanks to transfigure it into beauty. The hard disciple to give thanks for all things at all times because He is all good. "

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Here are a few questions for you to think about and answer. Nicole has shared with us her answers.

What circumstances/situations have you seen the hard eucharisto?

It was through several tough relationships that I saw the hard eucharisteo.  I always found myself asking "why, why, why", but God was working all the while.  There was GOOD happening in the midst of all the ugly.

How have you seen His goodness in the hard eucharisto?

I think His goodness is even more clear through the hard eucharisteo.  It's not easy seeing the good when all you feel like you see is the bad.  While our feelings see one way, our hearts can actually see clearly.  In the hard times that I have chosen to pick out the blessings in what seems like the curses, is when I see the Lord's goodness the most.

little things

I'm not even sure which little things we are on, but it doesn't really matter.

I'm linking up with aisle to aloha again, and you should too! 

here are some of the little things that i'm thankful for!  

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1. one more class, one more final until freedom. 

2.  Cold weather, coats, and scarves! In Texas, (and especially in Houston) there is limited amount of time we can wear our festive winter accessories. I plan to take full advantage of that.

3. Getting lost in books.  I love reading, and as the semester draws to a close, I have lots more time to read.  And, when it's cold outside, a hot cup of coffee, soft blanket, and good book are the perfect combination!

 

4. I'm home sick today, but so thankful for the day in my jammies to lay around. 

5. Our Christmas cards are in the mail! We didn't send any last year, since we had only been married a week, but this year we did and I love them! 

Don't forget you can use the code LASTMINUTE for 20% off your entire order in my shop!
And, you still have until Tuesday to get your order by Christmas!